TREASURED CLUTTER AND DEEPER THOUGHTS
From time to time most of us feel the urge to
have a "cleaning out"--determined to get rid of some of the
stuff which is taking over our surroundings. Sometimes the results of
this effort is a sale, now usually called a "garage sale"
or a "yard sale." In the past these were often called "rummage
sales," and some of us old-timers can remember rummage sales held
on the parking lot on Van Buren Avenue back to Harrison Avenue. Very
early on Saturday mornings cars began to pull in to get the choice spots
for parking to display their wares then people began to pour in to do
serious shopping. The bulk of sales were clothes, children’s clothes
were a big seller, especially in the fall. Small stores, like the Golden
Rule which was nearby, resented these sales and voiced complaints to
city officials--no sales tax collected, no rent paid, etc.
A new way to declutter is being offered by people who organize businesses
to come into your home and declutter for you. But this idea and the
idea of offering my junk in a yard sale are not for me. I love my junk!
I do try to control the junk; I hate obvious clutter more than dust
on furniture or floor and webs in corners. I was pleased once to have
a friend say that I liked "organized clutter."
Much of my prized clutter is photographs of my family. My refrigerator
door abounds with photographs and clippings--some very old and some
quite new. I am so attached to some of the photographs that a grandchild
may be well into adulthood but still a toddler in my
refrigerator collection. One side of the refrigerator is reserved for
magnetized happies given to me by dear friends through the years. I
had thought that my days of posting children’s art were passed
until last week, when, after great-granddaughter Murphy Grace had come
for a visit, I found a drawing posted on the refrigerator at her two-year-old
level.
Also posted on the refrigerator in colorful magnetized letters are the
names and ages of the youngest grandchildren and the great-grandchild.
Recently six-year-old Matt couldn’t wait to finish the singing
of "Happy Birthday" to go change his age from a 5 to a 6.
My kitchen window is also a display area. Favorite scriptures and other
quotes are pinned to the kitchen curtains. Other favorites (neatly typed
and laminated by Trish) are taped to window panes shared with suncatchers
and bluebirds.
Don has a box on the countertop desk. Recently I brought in a smoothing
iron from the log cabin to weigh down the accumulation in his box, thinking
this might shame him into some tossing. He, however, thought the iron
was a great idea--now the papers stayed on the pile better.
The utility room’s charm comes from a collection of things I can’t
bear to store out of my sight. The freezer there, like the aforementioned
kitchen refrigerator, is covered with photographs of friends, family,
and extended family. Also displayed in this room are a few crafts, items
from our travels, my cuckoo clock, and favorite scenic pictures prepared
for framing by friends. At ceiling level is Don’s collections of
caps from his activities and travels. Holding first place in my collection
is a 12-inch wooden cross made one Easter by grandson Chase. On one
side he printed "PatPat and Daddy Don, 5-24-01," on the other
side, "Jesus Saves."
A wall in our bathroom displays the six older grandchildren at high
school graduations, Chase’s and Matt’s current school pictures,
and three choice pictures of our children when they were youngsters.
Each of these has its own story. Another, a special favorite, is Miss
Emma in her Christmas sweater holding little baby Matt at a family gathering
soon after his birth.
A wall in our bedroom holds other photographs--a "Duke’s mixture"
of my and Don’s families. Just beneath these is a washstand covered
with all sizes of very old family pictures I have collected from all
around.
I feel certain there are many, many places where sentiment and personal
taste defy all rules of good decorating. I do make an effort to limit
my personal mementos to the back of the house, and I enjoy them daily
as I go about my routine.
As I was making this survey of my personal keepsakes, I had restless
nagging thoughts about my life. Once again I am drifting in and out
of a satisfying, consistent prayer life. I have found some comfort in
my large collection of devotional books. The old standbys with my marginal
notes, much like a diary, remind me that I have traveled this road before.
A new book, A Woman’s Call to Prayer: Making Your Desire to
Pray a Reality, by Elizabeth George, has also been helpful. I am
trying to overcome negative thoughts and influences in my life and to
do something I long to do and feel in my heart is right for me and would
glorify God and bring honor to His name.
I allow many opportunities to "do unto the least of these"
to pass by. I accept that many things are now beyond my ability, but
I do not always seek out and do those things of which I am capable.
When the desire is strong enough, we can find means to minister to lonely,
hurting people. We are surrounded by needs we can fill. My thoughts
of these scatter like birdshot. My first move must be reliance upon
God to lead me. He is waiting patiently for me to come to Him through
prayer seeking his direction.
Prayer is one thing I can do. When I awoke at five o’clock on a
recent morning, God brought to my mind a family who was waiting by the
ICU. In the early morning stillness I prayed undistracted for each of
these and for the critically ill one that God would give them peace
and strength.
Some people come to mind who are always the first to offer a helping
hand. I admire the way they arrange their lives based on unselfish priorities,
and I think of the story of Mary and Martha, friends of Jesus, in which
Jesus credits Mary for making the better choice—spending her time
at Jesus’ feet instead of being occupied with household duties.
I recently attended the community-wide luncheon for Mississippi Army
National Guard of this area being deployed for further training and
action. As I looked from one to the other of those leaving, I was comforted
to see that they were accompanied by a chaplain. I gained more understanding
of the work of chaplains during a recent visit in our home by a former
pastor who has just returned from spending six months as a chaplain
in Iraq. In answer to my very pointed questions, he assured me that
the chaplains are readily available to bring religious encouragement
and comfort to the troops.
Whether it is our outward, visible surroundings or our innermost beings,
the many crises in our world just now behoove each of us to push back
the confusion around us and feel the peace God offers. I firmly believe
the only way we can know peace in our hearts and lives is to live close
to the Lord. Claiming God’s help, I am striving for this!
Sincerely,
Patsy
CONDOLENCES OFFERED TO REAGAN FAMILY
Following the death of President Ronald Reagan
on June 5, 2004, Waller Funeral Home provided a register for members
of the community to sign as personal expressions of their sympathy to
the Reagan family. Similar signings were held throughout the country
by members of the National Funeral Directors Association, which offered
some suggestions for this endeavor. After signing, the register and
a letter of condolence were sent to Mrs. Reagan and the Reagan family
in Simi Valley, California, to later be forwarded to the Reagan Presidential
Library.
More than 500 people expressed their sympathy for the family and respect
for President Reagan by coming to the funeral home to sign the register.
This local response and tributes across the nation attested to the popularity
of President Reagan. Even people who did not share his political views
admired and respected him as a person.
We felt good to be a part of this project and appreciate the community
response.
THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS
Can you train yourself to be happier? Researchers
offer no elixir but scientific and anecdotal evidence suggest there
are influences you can control:
Be Grateful: Dwell on the good things in life. Take time to savor
everything from snagging a great parking spot to the loyalty of friends.
Writing down things for which you are grateful each day can help.
Forgive: Let go of anger and hurt. It can be hard, but it’s
liberating.
Make friends: The happiest people all enjoy great friendships.
The number of friends may not matter as much as the closeness of the
relationships.
Challenge yourself: Lose yourself in challenging activities that
you enjoy, whether it’s playing the piano or training for a marathon.
People who spend a lot of time in this "flow" zone tend to
be happier.
Be good to others: Research shows that altruism causes others
to be nicer to you, makes you feel good and creates an upward spiral
of happiness.
Let small things slide: The happiest people don’t fixate
on little things that go wrong. Fix them or move on.
Money isn’t everything. Really. Being rich may make you
a bit happier, but pursuing wealth may require sacrificing close social
relationships and challenging activities that make you happy.
—Kyung M. Song Knight
Ridder News
SMILE AWHILE
The teacher was exploring the children’s
notion of God. She asked, "Tommy, who is God?" Six-year-old
Tommy furrowed his brow and thought for a moment or two about the question.
Suddenly he brightened, and with a grin said: "I think God is the
man who saved the Queen."
A mischievous boy was asked by his mother, "How do you expect to
get into heaven?" He thought for a moment and said, "Well,
I shall just run in and out and keep slamming the door until they say
‘for goodness sake come in or stay out,’ and then I’ll
go in.
MISS MANNERS ON FUNERALS
DEAR MISS MANNERS:
I am saddened by the loss of a friend killed in an auto accident just
a day before she would have participated in her graduation ceremony.
I knew her from her basketball games and often would talk to her mother
at the games.
I want to pay my respects at the funeral home. I will be going by myself
so I will be very nervous about the proper way to handle things. I want
to send a card and flowers.
I purchased a sympathy card for the family. Should it be addressed to
the parents or the deceased? I assume it should be addressed to the
deceased. Please correct me if I am wrong. I have never had to handle
anything like this before.
I have no idea what to say to the family. This is very painful for them
because they were close to their daughter.
What is the proper way to express your concern and sorrow without upsetting
them further?
Gentle Reader: This is always a daunting
situation, even for those who have had to go through it before, and
Miss Manners admires you for facing it. Many an adult takes the cruel
and cowardly course of running away.
The only thing that could upset the parents more than they already are
is the impression that others don’t care. But you have nobly determined
to use all the ways to show that you do, and Miss Manners need only
guide you through the technicalities.
The flowers should be sent to the funeral home, addressed to "The
funeral of’ with your friend’s name. Condolences are addressed
to the bereaved, in this case the parents, but a letter is infinitely
preferable to a card where you merely sign someone else’s words.
This brings us to the question of what to say. Both in person and by
letter, what you need to tell the parents is that you sympathize with
them and cared for their daughter. The former is done just by saying
"I’m so sorry," and by writing, "I send you my deepest
sympathy." Elaborating on this is what gets people saying foolish,
hurtful things such as "I know how you feel" or "Time
will heal you."
Commercial Appeal
June 1, 2003
YOU ASKED...
As in some past issues of Seasons we are answering
some questions frequently asked. Questions in this issue deal with cremation.
Does Waller Funeral Home offer cremation services? Yes. Any funeral
home can help with cremations; the funeral home does not have to have
their own crematory. Mississippi has several excellent crematories which
serve the state’s funeral homes. Because cremation is not as common
in Mississippi as in other parts of the country, many funeral homes
do not have their own crematory.
Does cremation cost more when the funeral home does not have a crematory?
No. It can even cost less. All funeral homes are required to have pricing
for cremation on their general price list. You can compare prices to
find out who has the best price and services. Waller Funeral Homes charges
$1,000 for direct cremation.
What are the different types of cremation? We offer two types:
Direct cremation and traditional cremation. Direct cremation includes
initial transfer of the deceased from the place of death, transportation
to the crematory, cremation, and basic services of the staff. Traditional
cremation includes basic services, embalming and other preparation of
the body, use of the facilities and staff for visitation, use of facilities
and staff for a funeral or memorial service, use of facilities for care
and custody, register book, personalized or traditional memorial folders,
acknowledgment cards, pictures of floral arrangements delivered to the
funeral home, personalized video tribute, transfer of remains to the
funeral home, transportation to the crematory, cremation.
Why do families chose traditional cremation over direct cremation?
It is often said that funerals are for the survivors. Cremation families
want the support of the funeral service even if the deceased has requested
cremation. Traditional cremation offers the family the opportunity to
have viewing and visitation and also allows friends to have that opportunity.
Helping families through a death experience is our number one priority,
but friends also grieve. Traditional cremation allows more involvement
and support for everyone. The family can go through some of what we
call a traditional service.
Can you prearrange a cremation service? Yes, you can prearrange
cremations just like traditional burial services.
What is the difference between a memorial service and a funeral service?
The body is present at a funeral service. The body is not present at
a memorial service. When cremains are present, the service is a memorial
service.
DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS?
Please feel free to ask: come to the funeral home, call (234-7971),
write (P 0. Box 1200, Oxford, MS 38655), or e-mail (staff@wallerfuneralhome.com).
We welcome the opportunity to talk with you.
DELAYED BURIALS IN THE NORTH
Weather watching is part of our routine on funeral
days at Waller Funeral Home. Our Mississippi climate provides variety
which we, for the most part, enjoy. When the weather causes problems,
we do whatever we can to adjust and provide the best measures we can--but
that is another story. A recent Associated Press story makes us realize
our problems could be worse--much worse—and different.
From October, when digging becomes next to impossible, until the spring
thaw softens the ground, many of Alaska’s dead are put in storage.
Digging usually begins with burial of infants and urns in early May,
later in higher, colder elevations. Outside the cities, burials during
the winter are still common though difficult. The idea of digging graves
in advance of the freeze was once tried, but nobody wanted these graves;
they wanted to be buried by their families or in another spot.
Delayed burial occur also in other frigid climates across the North,
including some parts of New England and northern Minnesota. In Canada,
winter burials are still common. After clearing the snow, fires are
used to slowly thaw the ground.
Reverend Scott Fisher, of the 1,200-member St. Matthew’s Episcopal
Church in Fairbanks, was quoted in disagreement with the practice of
storing bodies over the winter because the flow of a service from church
to graveside is psychologically important for grieving families.
"The sound of the earth on the casket—ka-thud--breaks through
some of the shock and the grief," he said. Also, he said, "Say
somebody dies and nothing happens for seven months. By that amount of
time—five months, six months, seven months—a thin veneer of
feeling has begun and it gets ripped off."
Perhaps our occasional weather problems are not as bad as we thought!
WFH FAMILY NEWS
Case Robert Walden Kennedy, infant son of Leslie
and Rocky Kennedy, born prematurely on July 5, 2004, continues to improve
at the University of Mississippi Medical Center in Jackson. Our thoughts
and prayers continue for Case, Leslie, Rocky, and Brennice as we share
their joy and anxiety.
PRAY FOR ENEMIES
Billy Graham, "My Way"
I know we should pray for our nation’s leaders, and my wife and
I try to do this every day. But a friend of mine says we also ought
to be praying for the leaders of other countries, even those that are
our enemies. Is this true? I don’t know how I would pray for them?
It has been my privilege to know many of our nation’s leaders over
the years, and virtually without exception they have expressed gratitude
for the prayers of others (even if they weren't religious themselves).
Our world has many problems--but it would be in even worse shape were
it not for the prayers of people like you.
Yes, the Bible says we should pray for all leaders--even our enemies.
After all, don’t they especially need God’s direction, and
even His restraining hand to keep them from doing more evil? The Apostle
Paul wrote, "I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers,
intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone--for kings and all
those in authority" (I Timothy 2:1-2).
Remember, too, that Jesus told us to pray for our enemies. He said,
"Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matthew
5:44). I believe this is only possible when we allow Christ’s love
to fill us.
What should you pray for them? Pray that God will hinder their evil
plans and cause them to do good instead. Pray also that God will turn
their hearts to Himself and away from evil. And continue to pray for
the leaders of our own nation, for they need God’s wisdom.
GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS
Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon, and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy, and love.
—Thomas Obediah Chisholm
IN
MEMORIAM
We dedicate this issue of Seasons to those
who died and whose families we served from May 30, 2004, through August
16, 2004.
Mr. John H. "Buddy" Bowen / May 30, 2004
Mrs. Mamie Downs Ausburn / June 5, 2004
Mrs. Zola Metts Fudge / June 12, 2004
Mr. James William "Jim" Pennington / June 20, 2004
Mrs. Mildred Davis "Millie" Niehus / June 24, 2004
Mrs. Carolyn Downs DuBois / June 25, 2004
Mr. Payne Avent Sneed / June 27, 2004
Mrs. Norma Jacobson Burnham / July 2, 2004
Mr. Angelo Verucchi / July 7, 2004
Mr. Danny Jeroll Hudson / July 8, 2004
Mrs. Janet Ivy Whitten / July 12, 2004
Mr. William Arden "Bill" Langdon, Jr / July 15, 2004
Mr. Barry Royce Linton / July 18, 2004
Mrs. Audrey Lefler Murchison / July 24, 2004
Mrs. Mary Lee Rea / July 26, 2004
Mr. T. J. Walls / July 29, 2004
Mrs. Sarah Simpson Bedell / August 13, 2004
Mrs. Barbara Conlee Mize/ August 14, 2004
Mr. Van E. Burgess / August 16, 2004