THE BLESSINGS OF HOME! THE STRUGGLES OF HOMELESSNESS
Having Someplace to go is Home
Having Someone to love is Family
Having both is a Blessing
The annual observances of Mother’s Day and Father’s
Day cause us to reflect with thankfulness on the blessings of family and
home. Kinds of homes and styles of parenting vary immeasurably, but, with
perhaps a few exceptions, they are the benchmarks of our lives.
Most of us live most of the time in the little world of me and mine, being
scarcely mindful of others except those in our immediate circle of family
and friends. We begin to think the rest of the world is like what we see
every day.
Then we hear about the unfortunate, those struggling to exist day to day—the
homeless and downtrodden—and we are shocked to learn they are in
our midst.
Last year I was very touched by the picture and interview on the front
page of the Oxford Eagle of a homeless man, David. He was being provided
a room, food, and warm clothing by the Oxford Interfaith Compassionate
Ministry. Previously he had lived with some people he had met in prison;
then, knowing he needed to get away from that environment, he obtained
permission to sleep in an unheated shed near the home of a family. They
allowed him bathroom privileges and gave him food, and they were the ones
who helped him get to the Interfaith Compassionate Ministry.
I met and talked with this young man and listened to his story. His mother
had died when he was very young, and he came home at age nine to find
that his father had left. From this point, David’s life was from
one place to another. At the time I talked with him, he had been in prison
half of the 36 years he had lived. Perhaps I saw what I looked for, but
everything about him left a good impression on me. Men from the Church
of Christ witnessed to him in his hotel room and he was saved. Later things
did not go well for him; but as I think of him today, I think of how circumstances
had knocked him down.
I became aware at that time of others in our community who were surviving
on whatever help they could get from the Interfaith Compassionate Ministry
and other compassionate people. One man was living in the Family Life
Center of the North Oxford Baptist Church. In addition to lone down-and-outs,
whole families were struggling.
Perhaps my sensitivity to their plight is intensified by memory of my
brother Jim, who as a 35-year-old alcoholic, committed suicide. Jim told
us of being in a rooming house in Nashville, where, because of his lack
of money, he was sharing a room with a number of other men. One of the
older men told him if he (Jim) had anyone, anywhere who cared for him,
he should get to them. The next morning Jim pawned the watch our Grandfather
Hardin had given him for high school graduation and bought gas to come
to Oxford to his family who welcomed him with open, loving arms. Oh that
we could have done more!
Most of us have heard of others who for reasons known only to them have
left good solid homes and loving families and gone away. Some of these
returned just as quietly as they left; others were never heard from again.
An extension of the Mississippi Baptist Convention Children’s Village
is located near Water Valley, and the children attend Water Valley public
schools where our granddaughter Mary Beth teaches fourth grade. Mary Beth
has one of the children, Rowdy, in her class. She and her husband Chad
are visiting parents for Rowdy, who is 12. Rowdy has acquired quite a
large extended family, and he has endeared himself to us all. During one
of his recent visits, two-year-old great-granddaughter Murphy Grace persuaded
her mother by saying if she would let Rowdy rock her she would open her
eyes "not one time." As I look at Easter pictures, I am touched
by Rowdy’s proudly taking his place by Chad in their family picture
then again in the picture of the entire family.
As we have traveled to places where homelessness is more prevalent, I
have been shocked to see what goes on. On a business trip to Washington,
D.C., we checked on a gentlemen in our group who had been rushed to George
Washington University Hospital. As we waited anxiously in the emergency
waiting room which was only a few steps down from the sidewalk, a huge
lady in a floor-sweeping coat, carrying as many bundles as she could and
apparently wearing all she could get on her body, came in looking neither
right nor left. She went into the ladies room. She was gone a long time
and when she came out, I realized she was a bag woman.
In another distant city we were told not to make eye contact with the
begging children or we would be unable to walk away. In still another
city we were making our way to a magnificent cathedral and were cautioned
to hold our valuables securely near our bodies. The gypsy children in
the shadows were pointed out. We were told that we would not see them
as they approached. They have been taught to watch the tourists and move
quickly.
I am told that many homeless in our cities live in box cities, often located beneath bridges. I have read of families searching for someone who made their way through these box cities and were told those whom they sought had been there but moved on. Truth? Who knows!
Some homeless consider themselves lucky to have a car of some sort to live in.
The more we are bound in family togetherness and love of home, the more we feel sorrow for those who because of circumstances—or their own decisions—have no home. We look with compassion at them, help when it seems appropriate, and look with admiration at those trained to make calculated judgement about how to handle
BOB ROSSON CHOSEN FOR NATIONAL COMMITTEE
Robert T. "Bob" Rosson, Jr., CFSP, CPC,
is serving as a volunteer representative on the National Funeral Directors
Association (NFDA) Communications Committee.
"Robert Rosson was appointed to serve on the Communications Committee
because of an incredible ability to enthusiastically raise the bar of
excellence." said NFDA Chief Executive Officer Christine Pepper.
"As a leader in the funeral service profession, Robert also promotes
NFDA’ s commitment to planning for meaningful funerals and enhancing
the quality of service to families."
As a member of the Communications Committee, Bob will assist in the development
of strategic action plans for communication with members, consumers, other
caregiver groups, and the media As part of his committee assignment, Bob
also serves on the Pursuit of Excellence Work Group, which assists in
the promotion and administration of NFDA’s premiere awards program.
NFDA is the leading funeral service association, serving more than 20,300
funeral directors who represent more than 12,200 funeral homes in the
United States and other countries. From its headquarters in Brookfield,
Wisconsin, and its Advocacy Office in Washington, DC, NFDA provides advocacy,
education, information, products, programs, and services to help members
enhance the quality of service to families.
DEATH OF A LOVED ONE EASIER TO BEAR WITH HONESTY
My mother died when I was 19 years old. That was 31 years ago, but it seems like just yesterday.
At the time I tried to be stoic and be a man. That was a mistake.
In American today, most of us do not know how to grieve. Death is not an everyday experience, but we act like it is. We are uncomfortable knowing what to say whether we are the one with the loss or the one offering comfort. As a result we often talk about the trivial and the mundane while our grief is buried deep inside us.
Eight years ago, Scott Wallace died. He was the 3-year-old son of Febe, my physician partner at the Church Health Center. He died only a week after his diagnosis with leukemia It was an awful experience for us all.
After his death people did not know what to say to Febe. They talked about everything except Scott. However, Febe was very clear about what she wanted. She said, "I don’t want to act as though he never lived. I want to talk about his life—not his death." Talking about the one who has died is one of the best ways to begin to work through our grief. It is not a morbid thing to do. It is instead life affirming.
I love telling the story of my mother going on a raft trip with my friends while she was receiving chemotherapy for ovarian cancer. Although she died soon afterward, her celebration of life inspires me to this day.
Along with talk, I am also sure that people need touch. When I was 19, I was too foolish to let people hold me and comfort me as a way of dealing with my sadness. Today, when a patient of mine dies I make sure that I hug the person’s spouse or child the first chance I get.
It is not easy for many of us to let down our guard to be embraced, but it is a powerful source of healing.
And finally, we must realize that grief can be healed only through time. When someone returns to work a few days after the funeral, never expect him or her to be back to normal any time soon.
Death is painful and the wounds it causes are felt deep in the soul. A few days, a few weeks, a few months, are never enough for the grief to disappear. Six months is the estimated time for someone who is grieving to be able to manage life again. For each of us it’s different.
If you are depressed, attend a grief support group at your congregation, talk to your pastor or a counselor ahd read books about grieving. If you have a friend who is showing signs of depression, send notes and get him or her out of the house. Grief can be unbearable, but there is help.
Death of course is a part of life. To not see it as such is to miss something of the beauty of our fleeting existence.
Therefore to hold on to grief indefinitely is not healthy for anyone. Life goes on. There is more love to be had. Grieving freely will open the door to love again.
— Dr. G. Scott Morris, Licensed Family
Practitioner and Founder of
The Church Health Center
Associate Minister of St. Johns United Methodist Church
YOU ASKED...
As in some past issues of Seasons, we are in this
issue answering some questions we are frequently asked.
Has the increased competition in funeral
service in the Oxford area affected your mode of operation?
Our response to increased competition is to continue doing our very best
to help families through the very difficult time of the loss of a loved
one.
The foundation of our operation has always been reverence for the dead
and honest and compassionate care for the living. The Golden Rule, professionalism,
and ethics are the foundation of our operation.
We have always kept a careful oversight of our facilities. Maintenance
and improvements have been constant during our 27 years in business. A
look at our past quarterly newsletters, which capture highlights of our
development, show constant improvements and additions to the facilities
and services at Waller Funeral Home. Recent technology has made possible
services unimaginable in early years of operation.
Obviously we are not unaware of other funeral homes in the area, and we
have made comparative examination of our operation—especially our
financial policies—and we are satisfied that our prices are in line
with or below those for the same quality items at other area funeral homes.
More than competition, our successful efforts during the last years to
earn two Eagle Awards have made us conscious of ways to be more effective
to our families and to the community
We are proud to be a part of this community and pledge continued commitment
to high quality, ethical, compassionate, professional funeral home service.
What determines the price of funeral service?
The casket and services selected by the family determine the price. You
can select graveside service only or a full service with visitation, chapel
or church service, and graveside service. We provide without extra cost:
VHS tape of funeral services in our chapel, memorial video, personalized
memorial folders, printed programs (order of service), picture boards,
laminated obituaries, photographic record of flowers received at the funeral
home, family car, piano and organ in chapel, large collection and diverse
selection of music CD’s. (Families can also bring their own tapes,
CD’s, or musical instruments.)
Additional costs may include outer burial receptacles (vault or box to
contain casket at burial), death certificates, opening and closing the
grave, honorariums for ministers and musicians, charges by newspapers
for obituaries if applicable (Most newspapers do not charge for regular
obituaries.). We also have clothing available for purchase.
How can I get information about prices and
services?
All funeral homes are required by law to have a General Price List, Casket
Price List, and Outer Burial Container Price List. Funeral homes are required
to give you a copy of the General Price List for your retention, and a
Casket and Outer Burial Container Price List if requested. Information
about our facilities, services, and merchandise is available on our website
(www.wallerfuneralhome.com). We have pricing information for many funeral
homes in this area, and we can help you make a valid comparison of prices—being
careful to compare the same qualities of merchandise and to check for
hidden costs, for example, extra charges on weekends. We offer the same
fair pricing to everyone—no discounts, which in reality create increased
prices or penalties for some families.
We provide a wide range of prices to suit the needs and preferences of
our diverse community. We do not use bait-and-switch techniques—advertising
a low price to get you in and then trying to upgrade your choice. We do
not exert any pressure to influence any choice of merchandise or service.
Why do you recommend preplanning and prearrangement
so strongly?
Making preparation in advance will ease stress at the time of death. As
we work with families, we see how much preneed decisions help. More thoughtful
consideration can be given to decisions when the pressures of time and
grief are not present.
Do I have to pay in advance?
No, but prepaying takes additional stress off the family. It also locks
the cost in at current prices.
Are prearrangements transferable?
Our trust prearrangements are nonrefundable, nontransferable, and irrevocable.
Do not be misled by what others may tell you. Our contracts do not allow
for the selection of another funeral provider or for the refund of any
sums paid under the preneed agreement. We place 100 percent of prearrangement
funds in trust with the Mississippi Funeral Directors Trust, which is
administered by Merrill Lynch. We do not receive any benefits from prearrangements
until death. No withdrawals are permitted until death and then only by
us to pay funeral expenses. The only exception to this is in the event
a funeral occurs more than 50 miles from Oxford and we determine that
the distance renders it impractical for us to perform the funeral service.
Our insurance-funded prearrangements are portable and transferable.
If you have preneed plans with a funeral home, check with that funeral
home to see what your options are.
Do all funeral homes deposit 100 percent
of preneed funds into a trust fund?
No. Mississippi Law requires only 50 percent of preneed money be placed
in trust. When our depository (Mississippi Funeral Directors Trust) was
developed, consumer protection was the foremost consideration. This trust
requires at least 80 percent of preneed funds be deposited. Some funeral
homes participate in so-called "trust funds" from which they
can actually draw funds at will. We deposit 100 percent of preneed funds
into the Mississippi Funeral Directors Trust, and these funds do not become
available to us until the time of death to pay funeral expenses.
Is burial insurance the same as prepayment?
No. Burial insurance is a set amount and will not change over the years.
For example, if you take out a burial insurance policy today for $3,000,
in twenty years it will still be worth $3,000. If you make a $3,000 prearrangement
and in twenty years the same funeral is priced at $5,000, your family
will not have to pay the difference.
How can I evaluate the quality of a funeral
home staff?
Professional licensing attests to the qualification of the staff. As in
other professions, licensing provides validation of appropriate education,
training, and testing. Two types of funeral service licenses are available,
the Funeral Service License (for embalming and funeral directing) and
the Funeral Directors License (for funeral directing only). Bob Rosson,
Bobby Phelps, and Rocky Kennedy are licensed in Funeral Service. Brett
Rosson is currently enrolled in Mortuary School at Northwest Mississippi
Community College to qualify for this license. Beth Rosson, Don Waller,
and Patsy Waller are licensed Funeral Directors. Bobby Phelps, Trish Cousley,
and Rocky Kennedy have Mississippi Insurance Licenses.
Experience in the field of funeral service has improved both our personal
and technical skills in operating the business. Patsy and Don Waller have
been in the funeral business for 27 years; Bobby Phelps, 27 years; Bob
Rosson, 21 years; Beth Rosson, 21 years; Rocky Kennedy, 13 years; Trish
Cousley, 10 years.
Is continuing education a requirement in
funeral service?
Continuing education is not required by law in Mississippi, but we feel
that continuing education is necessary to stay abreast of developments
in funeral service (which is very closely regulated) so we can provide
the best service to our families. Bob Rosson is a Certified Funeral Service
Practitioner, CFSP, which required 180 hours of professional education
and activities and which requires 20 hours of continuing education each
year to maintain certification. Bob is also a Certified Preneed Consultant,
CPC, which requires additional education in this area Bob has served as
an officer and on committees in state and national professional funeral
service organizations. Staff members frequently attend professional meetings
to learn new and better ways to help our families.
Does Waller Funeral Home sell monuments?
Yes, we represent Columbus Marble Works and Matthews Bronze, two well
respected companies in this business. Their monuments are of high quality—long-lasting
and beautiful. We have some choices on display at the funeral home.
DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS?
Please feel free to ask: come to the funeral home, call (234-7971), write
(P.0. Box 1200, Oxford, MS 38655), or e-mail (staff@wallerfuneralhome.com).
We welcome the opportunity to talk with you.
IN
MEMORIAM
We dedicate this issue of Seasons to those who
died and whose families we served from February 25, 2004, through May
23, 2004.
Mrs. Evelyn Wooten Ryan / February 25, 2004
Mrs. Imogene Kenton Yancy / February 25, 2004
Mr. Riley B. "JuJu" Ragland, Jr / February 29, 2004
Mrs. Anne Linder Solnit / March 2, 2004
Mr. A. J. Maples / March 3, 2004
Mr. Martin D. "Marty" Mitchell / March 4, 2004
Mr. Kirl Avent Parks / March 5, 2004
Mrs. Marjorie Henderson Davis / March 12, 2004
Mr. Shellie Lee Tutor / March 12, 2004
Mrs. Hazel Evans Anderson / March 17, 2004
Mrs. Dorothy Allen Reaves / March 18, 2004
Mrs. Marie Hall Gibson/ March 20, 2004
Mr. Charlie Lavester Edwards / March 22, 2004
Mrs. Lenora Langston Moore / March 26, 2004
Mr. Jimmie Lee Stone / March 28, 2004
Mrs. Helen Hoffman Roy / April 2, 2004
Mrs. Gladys Drewrey House / April 2, 2004
Mr. John Stanford Guyer, Jr / April 8, 2004
Mr. C. W. "Bill" Puckett / April 14, 2004
Mr. Thomas R. Mason / April 16, 2004
Mr. Charles A. "Chuck" Childress / April 20, 2004
Dr. Stuart James Bullion / April 21, 2004
Mrs. Martha Wade Doty / April 22, 2004
Mr. Murry C. "Chooky" FaWner, Sr / April 23, 2004
Mrs. Gladys Johnson Ramsey / April 29, 2004
Mrs. Edna Saunders Avent / April 29, 2004
Mr. Samuel Leroy "Sam" Holland / April 30, 2004
Miss Helen Louise Franklin / May 1, 2004
Mrs. Katie S. Woolverton / May 7, 2004
Mr. Charles Herman Maples / May 8, 2004
Mr. Leroy "Red" Bishop / May 10, 2004
Mrs. Pauline Ratliff Bishop / May 11, 2004
Mr. Ervin Richard House / May 13, 2004
Mrs. Gertha Hodge May / May 13, 2004
Miss Amanda H. Abel / May 18, 2004
Mr. R. Frank Harwood / May 23, 2004